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Hi Reader,

Last week we used a clip from Ted Lasso to explore the power of grace in building relationships. That moment showed us how unexpected compassion and empathy, especially when it feels undeserved, can become a turning point in trust and connection.

As much as we love that clip, the reality is this: Most bids for connection won’t be that dramatic. They will be much more subtle. And yet how we respond to them still carries every bit the potential that Ted’s response carried for Rebecca.

What Are Bids for Connection?

A bid for connection, taught by the Gottman Institute, is any attempt to reach out relationally. It’s when someone is implicitly or explicitly asking:

• Do you see me?
• Can we be okay?
• Can we repair this?
• Can you still work with me?

Bids can be verbal or nonverbal. They can be confident or tentative. They can be small or significant. What makes them powerful is not their size, but the risk they carry for the person making them.

To see this idea clearly, it helps to look outside the workplace for a moment. This brief video explains bids for connection in the context of marriage. While the setting is personal (marriage), the principle applies directly to work and leadership teams. The same dynamics are at play when teammates reach out for understanding, reassurance, or support.

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As you watch, notice how ordinary and easy-to-miss these bids are. A small comment or a simple question can be a moment of vulnerability. Notice how much hinges on whether the response turns toward the bid or away from it.

At work, bids often sound like:

• “Can I get your take on something?”
• “I might be off here, but…”
• “That didn’t land quite right for me.”
• “I’m not sure how that came across, but…..”

They rarely announce themselves and because they’re subtle, they’re often missed.

What a Bid (and a Skillful Response) Can Look Like at Work

To make this concrete, imagine this common scenario on a leadership team.

A weekly leadership meeting. The team is reviewing progress on a quarterly priority. One leader, who’s been carrying a heavy load, says quietly:

“I’m honestly not sure we’re set up to hit this timeline. I feel like I’m pushing uphill right now.”

This is more than a status update. It’s a bid for connection. She’s saying, “I’m struggling. Do you see me? Will anyone help me carry this?”

A response that turns away might sound like:

• “The deadline is the deadline.”
• “Let’s take that offline.”
• “We don’t have time to rework this right now.”

Each of those responses moves the meeting forward, but they could move a relationship backwards.

A response that turns toward the bid sounds different:

• “Thanks for saying that. Can you help us understand what’s making this feel uphill?”
• “I appreciate you naming that. What support would actually help here?”

That response does three things:

• It acknowledges vulnerability
• It invites understanding
• It signals shared ownership instead of isolation

Notice what didn’t happen. The leader didn’t immediately solve the problem. They didn’t lower expectations. They simply noticed the bid and responded to it. Over time, this is how teams become more honest, resilient, and connected.

Why This Matters for Leadership Teams

Leadership teams operate under pressure, and often fail to understand the weight of small interactions. Team trust and connection is highly correlated to each team member's ability to intentionally turn toward each other.

When bids for connection are consistently missed:

• People stop reaching out
• Conversations stay guarded
• Side conversations increase
• Trust erodes quietly

When bids are noticed and met with care:

• Candor becomes safer
• Tension resolves sooner
• Collaboration deepens
• Trust compounds

While we aren’t going to nail every interaction, we need to remember that connection is built one response at a time. The more consistently teams can bring intention to the small moments, the stronger their connection will grow.

-Shaun & Joe

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